This morning while I was cleaning up the kitchen and still thinking about things from the past, the root of the problem became clear. The Lord gently pointed out my tendency to be covetous and jealous. Wow. That commandment that I thought I never had a problem with seems to be the one that is giving me the most problem right now. I've been coveting other people's lives and I've been jealous of how their lives have turned out without looking at the beauty of my own. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that God made me for a specific purpose - that I'm a unique individual with a unique purpose. Everyone has troubles, yes I recognize that, but somewhere in my mind I keep thinking that I've messed my life up from the way it was supposed to be, so looking at how "right" everyone else's lives look in comparison to the life I thought I was supposed to have causes me to covet what they have.
I think this is spurred by something originally meant for good, however. The lack of satisfaction isn't necessarily a bad thing. That drive for more keeps us moving, making us goal oriented people. I think the problem is what we make our goals. If I make my goal to be like someone else, it becomes a negative drive. If I make my goal to be more like Jesus and never be satisfied with the person I am at the moment in light of His power to change me, then it becomes a good thing.
And as a random side note, I'm finding that if I speak outloud when I'm typing/writing, I understand what I'm saying better :D. Comprehension comes from reading and hearing...and of course doing, but that's the basics of educational psychology. Some people think you have a strength in a particular mode of learning, whereas I think the best educational strategy is to learn through all three at the same time. Which is essentially your basic music classroom. WOOT I'M IN EDCUATIONAL MODE AGAIN!! Bring on the students!!
Now back to your regularly scheduled program. I'm thankful for what the Lord has given me. If you look at my life, the problems I have are no different than your average problems. They're there to help me grow and teach me more about God's true character and not the one that mankind has tried to paint on him. I love my husband, because we fit. Living with another person is always going to be difficult because it requires us to die to ourselves and compromise. Just another one of life's lesson. I love my job. God gives me the opportunity to watch my students grow and turn into beautiful people who can fulfill their potential, and I get to have a small part of helping them do that. It's awesome :). And, I get to work with my deepest passion - music.
No, I'm not rich. No, my house isn't clean. And no, I can't remember everything I should, and I'm clumsy. Where I'm weak, God is strong - and he sent me a husband who helps me in more ways than I'm often willing to recognize. Pride is an ugly thing that often keeps us from recognizing just how social and how non-independent we really are. Strength doesn't come in being able to accomplish things on your own, but being able to work with others. You know, that chord woven together by three smaller ones and all.
So momentarily, my world is at peace again. The upheaval will surely come again, because that's just me. But that's okay, too, because I have a God who doesn't mind reminding me on a daily basis just how much He loves me and all the ways He has.
And back to getting ready for school....>.<
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