I try to be as open and honest with myself and those around as much as I can. There are certain failures I don't think the Lord necessarily WANTS me to share, but I wouldn't hide them if I was asked to share it. But today, I find myself reverting back to a familiar pattern that I need to admit to and see if I can stop the cycle from repeating itself.
You see, my back has been bad the last week, and I was out for 3 1/2 days because of it. Not only do we have a concert tonight, but we have the Renaissance Faire on Saturday as well. And because of the way things have happened, we're not as prepared as we should be. That's not the kids' fault, that's mine for not preparing them better. So when I get frustrated in class because they're not doing what I need them to, and then I find them goofing off and not behaving the way they should, I get extremely angry at them - a few unnamed students in particular. And then I feel guilty for getting so angry - the whole class doesn't deserve my wrath.
And so I look back at the Colossians 3 that it seems I've been parked in for the last week. And it talks ALL about how I should behave. And once again, I see I'm failing miserably. Try harder? No, it's not for me to TRY anything. It's my business to be resting in Jesus and allow Him to handle things, because no matter how hard I try, it's only going to get worse. And Nick has been talking about this lately, too. Guess it's time for me to listen to my own preaching :).
So here I am, hoping that I can get my act together. I don't want these kids to think I hate them - if anything, I love them more than most teachers do (to the point of carrying their problems home with me so I can keep them in prayer).
Lord, forgive me for my stupid mistakes and help me do better next time. Help me to be better prepared in the future. Don't let me fall into the same traps - I need your guidance and help!
