Tonight I've spent entirely too much time online once again while doing laundry - mostly stalking my random connections on Facebook. But as I look at these beautiful people on FB, I feel a bit depressed. I guess I never realized how getting older would affect my self-esteem. I feel like God is making me a better person on the inside, which I'd much rather be, hands down...but I look in the mirror and I can see the effects of age. I look at my body and I see what I never thought I'd be.
So tonight, I'm listening to Michael Gungor's "Please Be My Strength," because tonight, Lord, I don't have it. I've overbooked myself, I've given out more than I've built up, and I've fallen short over and over. It's the running mantra that Satan would like to keep in my head (and does often) - "You're not good enough, and you'll never be." There are two sides to this coin - because without Jesus, I CAN'T ever be good enough. Nothing in me is good enough because I am human - but everything that God made me and placed in me and has developed in me - HIS life in me...that's what makes me good enough. Jesus thought I was good enough to die for :). So my mind recognizes this things and I fight off the thoughts when I'm strong enough with what the Bible says...but tonight I need the Lord's strength because I can't fight this battle on my own.
I'm also hurting for many of my friends and students. So many things going on that I wish I could help them feel better through. Heartache and confusion seem to be at the core of many situations right now. Lord, help me be the prayer warrior you made me to be and to stand in the gap when they can't stand for themselves. Be my strength and be theirs as well.
