Oops, I Did It Again!

I'm not going to lie.  This past year, especially the past month, has been particularly hard for me.  Things are changing in my life and I don't seem to have the power to stop them.  Everything that I thought was true seems to not be so true.  I know that there is one Truth, but everything else around that seems to be gray and murky all the time.  I think I've been more depressed than I have been happy, and that's so unlike me.  I've also made some stupid decisions that if I had stopped to think, I never would have made them.  Now I'm standing with egg on my face again - probably not to other people, but to myself, and that's what matters.  I know better and I did it without even thinking.  It's a clear sign that I need to get myself back together, somehow.

Is there an option to simply not do life?  Because right now, I'm sure I would take that one.

In A Funk

Fall has always been a time of reflection for me, and often death to things that I hold on to as crutches.  This fall has been no different, though I feel like everything I ever knew about myself seems to be falling apart.

You see, I'm a walking oxymoron.  I am both a confident, independent person and an insecure, needy person at the same time.  I know exactly what I want, and how I want it, and at the same time, I don't know what I want or what decision to even make.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy from the mental calisthenics I seem to have to perform JUST to decide what to fix for dinner.

I'm also not very happy with the decisions I've made for myself.  Coming to terms with that is never an easy thing to admit.  I'm hoping that there's going to be some kind of break in whatever is going on.

More on this topic later...