Self Inspection

The nature of a heavy heart leads to some form of expression, which boils down to me feeling the need to blog.  I have a lot on my heart tonight, but not much on my mind.  I think I'm keeping the thoughts at bay ... partly because I'm tired, but partly because there doesn't seem to be a solution to the thoughts I think.

I think I'm able to recognize something I never realized before.  When physical danger is present, my instinct is to stand and fight.  When emotional pain or danger is present, I want to run away and hide.  I wonder why that is?

Lord, has there ever been a time where you've been my main concern?  Has there ever been a time where I've just forgotten about everything and freely given in to you?  What would it mean to completely give in to you?  I know I haven't given it all to you, but I'm not sure I know what I withhold from you.

There's still so much I don't know about you, Lord...so much I want to learn.  Help me to find those times with you again.  I want to be as close as I can to you.  I want you to clean up my life so that the only thing left is you.  So that you're truly the only thing on my mind.  I truly want you to consume my mind.

I suppose I should go to bed...tomorrow is going to be a long, full day.  The weekend went entirely too fast and I truly don't feel prepared for it to end.  I pray that there would be salvation tomorrow night at the Clear Springs Baptist service and freedom to captives.  Not just a concert...Lord, help me to worship you fully tomorrow night.

But tonight, I need to rest...

Back In the Saddle

Well, now that I've completed my masters, I've got time to pursue some things I've never done before.  For instance, singing in the Athens Area Community Chorus this Spring.  We're singing Brahms "Ein Deutches Requiem" (A German Requiem).  I've sung one of the movements in it and directed another for college, but I was pretty much sight singing the thing tonight.  I did okay - got completely lost and embarrassed in a few places *grin*.  Seems like I'm a bit rusty when it comes to singing.


The frustrating part is the insecurity that I carried in with me.  Instead of being secure in my abilities and my knowledge, I let the fact that Dr. Windt (who is a wonderful, friendly person, of course) is younger than me and already completed a coveted doctorate degree from Cincinnati Conservatory of Music, intimidate me.  I don't know why I'm so intimidated by men!!


But I can't lie - it was wonderful to be able to perform again.  I'm just sad we're only going to be doing one piece - granted it does take 70 minutes to perform *grin*.  I'm just glad I decided to go :).


And on to another day...