The More I Seek You, The More I Find You

Hello again!  It's been a few weeks since I posted last - it sounds redundant to say that God is doing something - of course He is, He's ALWAYS doing something somewhere.  I guess the correct thing to say is that I'm seeing God move in my own life and in lives that are connected to mine in some way.  I do not claim to see everything, but I do sense that God is revealing some important things to me - better would be to say I'm finally hearing what God has been wanting to tell me and seeing what he's been wanting to show me for a while.  It's just that I'm finally slowing down enough and spending enough time with Him to allow for Him to show me.  It still amazes me how, despite the fact that I realize just how important time with Him is on a daily basis, I still skimp in that area for the purpose of "doing His work."  It's hard for me to remember that my first priority has to be my relationship with Him.  Yes, this is strengthened when I work to accomplish things He has ordained for us to do, but ultimately, knowing Him and loving Him is what we're called to do.  We're called to worship Him.


Ever since Dr. Hong Yong preached on Sunday night at Restoration, I've been going over in my mind just how passionate and desperate those people in China in the underground church were to know more about God.  One underground church of 200 people have only 1 Bible among them.  One group met together at 4:30 am every morning in a cave to worship for two hours before starting their day.  And I have problem getting up to pray for even 5 minutes in the morning?  It was a sobering reality that caused me to weep because of my lack of passion for Jesus.  I don't want to allow the cares of this world to choke out my passion for Jesus - or at least learning more about this love that Jesus and God has for me.  Because there is something in my being that craves for something more than what this world offers me.  Something bigger than any of us - and I want to know and explore it!  It really is true that the more the Lord helps me understand Him, the more I love Him.  That can only be the work of the Holy Spirit, thank God :).


At any rate, I've finally set up my prayer bench and I've begun to bring needs before the Lord again.  It feels so good to pray - I just don't understand why it's so easy for me NOT to do it and to get distracted by things :D (like blogging lol).  Paul said that I do the things I don't want and those things that I do want to do, I don't - at least I'm not the only one with this problem :D.


With that being said I suppose I should get something accomplished today.  Hopefully I'll begin posting things that actually interest others and not just about me rambling and putting my thoughts down on "paper" so I can understand myself better - my online diary for anyone who wishes to see :).

Self Inspection

The nature of a heavy heart leads to some form of expression, which boils down to me feeling the need to blog.  I have a lot on my heart tonight, but not much on my mind.  I think I'm keeping the thoughts at bay ... partly because I'm tired, but partly because there doesn't seem to be a solution to the thoughts I think.

I think I'm able to recognize something I never realized before.  When physical danger is present, my instinct is to stand and fight.  When emotional pain or danger is present, I want to run away and hide.  I wonder why that is?

Lord, has there ever been a time where you've been my main concern?  Has there ever been a time where I've just forgotten about everything and freely given in to you?  What would it mean to completely give in to you?  I know I haven't given it all to you, but I'm not sure I know what I withhold from you.

There's still so much I don't know about you, Lord...so much I want to learn.  Help me to find those times with you again.  I want to be as close as I can to you.  I want you to clean up my life so that the only thing left is you.  So that you're truly the only thing on my mind.  I truly want you to consume my mind.

I suppose I should go to bed...tomorrow is going to be a long, full day.  The weekend went entirely too fast and I truly don't feel prepared for it to end.  I pray that there would be salvation tomorrow night at the Clear Springs Baptist service and freedom to captives.  Not just a concert...Lord, help me to worship you fully tomorrow night.

But tonight, I need to rest...